


Whisper Ho Ho Ho into my HuuHaa

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Coran's the only one who knows how to live life, F/M, Finals, I mean at least Lance is secretly enjoying all of this, Keith's hot now at least?, Lance fucking looses his shit, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Slow Burn, and they all met each other through their mutual appreciation for space-themed animes, its fucking christmas hoho bloody ho, join me in hell, keith lance hunk and pidge all go to the same university, lady gaga - born this way, oh and Keith gets a haircut, oops i did it again -lance probably, tags are subject to change?, that one skype fic, they're all children with student loans and stuff, where Shiro lives in Norway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-03 00:54:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Pining Keith is pining, until Lance struggles to take his eyes off him : *Skype edition* (Story going on Hiatus for now... I have plans to rewrite it in the future, since I don't like where this is currently going)





	1. Bets! Bets! Come Place Your Bets!

**Author's Note:**

> Pidge monetized the Kieth/Lance shit show with MMORPG collectibles, and surprisingly, the stakes of the bet are quite high. Lance momentarily grieves over the loss of Nyma, but hey, it's just Nyma, so he'll be fine.
> 
>  
> 
> ***Chicken Nugget = Pidge  
> Mememom = Allura  
> Shiro = Shiro  
> Entitled Blue Beauty = Lance  
> Vampiric Edgelord = Keith  
> Strawberry Cheesecake = Hunk  
> Functional40yearold = Coran***

 

 

 

_ One day : _

 

 

 _Chicken Nugget_ _has changed the conversation to “I will fuck a robot for science”_

 

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Pidge its 3am what are u doing with ur life

 

Mememom: Go to bed you little gremlin don't make me come over there.

 

Shiro: It's 11am, what are you guys talking about?

 

Mememom: Well I'm not the one living all the way in butt-fucking NORWAY

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: MMmmhhhhhhhhhaaa what's all this commotion guys?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: beats me

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **PIDGEON HAS SUMMONED US**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: It's **PIDGE**

 

Functional40yearold: **PIDGEON**

 

Chicken Nugget: Okay okay so yall know that I spent the last I forget how many hours looking into MBTI personality types and took the test to see how incredibly flawed and outdated said tests were

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: PIDGEON

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Oh wait

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ha

 

Chicken Nugget: Well that didn't last too long cause I got sidetracked and started looking into ACTUAL LEGIT SCIENTIFIC ARTICLES IN RELATION TO HOW WE ALL INTERRACT SOCIALLY AS A SPECIES AND

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Awwwwwww is that why ur so socially inept more than half the time

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Is that why you insist acting like a 5 year old child whenever someone tries to explain something to you? It's because you're socially “inept” yourself?

 

Chicken Nugget: THEN I WAS LIKE HOW WOULD ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE REACT IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS WITH OTHER AI AND/OR HUMANS AND WELL YOU GET MY DRIFT

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Wow I felt that.

 

Mememom: Need some ice water to go with that?

 

Shiro: Ignore them, Pidge.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Uh no wtf keith

 

Vampiric Edgelord: :))))))))

 

Chicken Nugget: Fck off lance at least I'm not fucking Keith and trying to keep it a secret

 

Vampiric Edgelord: We did no such thing!!!!!!

 

Shiro: Lance, be nice to Keith.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: TELL EM BABE

 

Functional40yearold: OOOOOOOO

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I AM !

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Uhhhh . . . you're not helping . . .

 

# Mememom: OH SHIT DADDY INSTINCTS KICKING IN

 

Mememom: PROTECT THY FRAGILE SON

 

Shiro: Please, don't call me that.

 

Functional40yearold: Daddy

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **DADDY <3**

 

Chicken Nugget: DADDY

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Im straight for everyone but shiro club™

 

Mememom: Can't fool me son

 

Chicken Nugget: this is the exact kind of shit Im talking about

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Lance, that's called being bi/pan™

 

Functional40yearold: _LE SIGH_

 

Chicken Nugget: ** _he's also into Keith if yall didn't pick up the vibes the first time around_ **

 

Functional40yearold: **SAME**

 

Shiro: SAME

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: LIES Nyma's the one for me <3

 

Chicken Nugget: Lies.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Same.

 

Mememom: **SMAE**

 

Shiro: Weren't you complaining the other night about how she snuck in your apartment and ate all your leftover Chinese takeout?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: What a dick™

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: She was hungry, soooooooo... Im not going to be mad about it

 

Mememom: She broke the lock to your door Lance.

 

Shiro: I am very concerned for your safety.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: she fixed the lock to my door earlier today there is nothing to worry about :D

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Why do you never listen to us??? Just DUMP HER ! !

 

Chicken Nugget: Agreed.

 

Functional40yearold: I would personally sneak into her house and raid her fridge including the fridge itself, but that's prolly just me.

 

Mememom: same.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: What if _I_ was the one who snuck into your apartment and ate your food??

 

Mememom: YA WHAT IF IT WERE KEITHIE-BOI

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I would kick your ass, take your wallet, and buy myself actual groceries.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I am a black belt.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: So fucking try me bitch.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **(** **ง** **'̀-'́)** **ง**

 

Chicken Nugget: OOOOOOO

 

Mememom; NOW THIS I GOTTA SEE

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I wouldn't let Keith get away with it. Ever.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: you're letting Nyma get away with it

 

Functional40yearold: Logic™

 

Shiro: Same.

 

Chicken Nugget: **SOOOOO**

 

Chicken Nugget: RIGHT BEFORE I WAS RUDELY INTERRUPTED

 

Mememom: _Finally._

 

Chicken Nugget: I may or may not have spent the past 13 hours looking into the specifics of having intercourse with a machine.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Ew I'll stick to real people thanks

 

Mememom: HAHA SAYS THE GUY WHO'S “ _DATING_ ” AN ALIEN OMG

 

Chicken Nugget: LMAO

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: She's just a little odd. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: SHE BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT OVER LEFTOVER CHINESE TAKEOUT ???

 

Vampiric Edgelord: If I had a dollar for every stupid comment Lance made I would be able to pay off my goddamn student loans.

 

Mememom: With that logic, you'd be able to pay everyone's student loans. **SO KEITH-**

 

Shiro: Same. I could really use the money.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: FUCK YOU KEITH

 

Chicken Nugget: are you offering [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=13&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjf7N-9m7zQAhXTTiYKHQafA_cQFghVMAw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.urbandictionary.com%2Fdefine.php%3Fterm%3D\(%2520%25CD%25A1%25C2%25B0%2520%25CD%259C%25CA%2596%2520%25CD%25A1%25C2%25B0\)&usg=AFQjCNGFhD1twz2XDxUZ_TQcoOZGWieEzQ&sig2=yWLazkmys4WhGkplXaQMGA)

 

Mememom: Oh my god so this is how it all goes down

 

Chicken Nugget: _~This is what OTPs are made ooooooooooffff~_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Ew, I have standards guys.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: True.

 

Shiro: I'd like to think so, too.

 

Mememom: HHHHmmmmmmmmmmm YOU JUST ALL WAIT FOR **THE MOMENT** **™**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: What moment?

 

Chicken Nugget: The **breakup** **™**

 

Mememom: ~ _MMMMMMMM WHATCHA SAAAAAYYY~_

 

Shiro: Allura, please don't.

 

Mememom: sorry _daddy_ _™_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ITS **CANON** ITS FINALLY **CANON**. THE **SHALLURA IS REAL**

 

Shiro: ??? Please tell me you didn't just combine our names together . . . ???

 

Mememom: I cannot believe my own children envision me in a future ... RELATIONSHIP... with this PERFECTLY HANDSOME MAN... **WHO LIVES ALL THE WAY IN GODDAMN NORWAY**

 

Chicken Nugget: I ship it.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Aren't you guys dating though?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I thought she was dating me ... :(

 

Mememom: Ew, get your head out of the goddamn gutter thats nasty.

 

Shiro: We're not dating . . .

 

Functional40yearold: Could have fooled me [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=13&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjf7N-9m7zQAhXTTiYKHQafA_cQFghVMAw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.urbandictionary.com%2Fdefine.php%3Fterm%3D\(%2520%25CD%25A1%25C2%25B0%2520%25CD%259C%25CA%2596%2520%25CD%25A1%25C2%25B0\)&usg=AFQjCNGFhD1twz2XDxUZ_TQcoOZGWieEzQ&sig2=yWLazkmys4WhGkplXaQMGA)

 

Chicken Nugget: Same.

 

Shiro: _yet . . ._

 

Chicken Nugget: OH SHIT

 

# Entitled Blue Beauty: MOM GET THE CAMERA THIS IS THE ONLY THING I BLOG ABOUT FOR THE NEXT MONTH

 

Mememom: Guys chill I've never met him in person

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: You will.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: When?

 

Shiro: Close to spring maybe? I don't know, but I do know I have to complete my 8 month internship first.

 

Chicken Nugget: Congrats you two.

 

Chicken Nugget: Now if only my matchmaking powers would work on a **CERTAIN PAIR OF BOYS** IN THIS CHAT...

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Yea that's not gonna happen gremlin. The mullet just ruins _everything_.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ^^^ Oh, I'm definitely not getting together with that _thing._ ^^^ He has fewer functioning brain cells than the human body has bones.

 

Functional40yearold: **OOOOOOOH** MY **GOD**

 

Chicken Nugget: _**SAVAGE AF**_

 

Mememom: And this is why you're my favourite son, Keith.

 

Mememom: _ヘ_ _( ^o^)_ _ノ＼_ _(^_^ )_

 

Shiro: Damn. Remind me to never get on his bad-side.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: oh yeah

 

. . .

 

 

 

_ A few days later: _

 

 

_Entitled Blue Beauty has changed the conversation from “I will fuck a robot for science” to “Single and Ready to Mingle”_

 

 

Shiro: I'm assuming Lance isn't dating Nyma anymore?

 

Chicken Nugget: Well that was faster than expected. That lasted... what like _1 month_?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: I'm GONNA COME OVER THERE AND COMFORT YOU WITH SOME OF THESE FRESHLY BAKED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES I JUST MADE

 

Mememom: Can I have some?

 

Chicken Nugget: Same... **Please...**

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Anyone within a 20 mile radius of my house gets some. Sorry mom...

 

Chicken Nugget: FUCKING SCORE SUCK IT MOM

 

Mememom: I sure hope you don't kiss your actual mom with that mouth kid.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: OOOOOOOOHHHHH SNAP

 

Functional40yearold: Now youve done it... ( 0_o)

 

Shiro: Guys, can we try to stay on topic? At least for Lance? I believe it's his turn to release his emotions. The breakup must have been a tough experience on him, especially since Nyma wasn't the nicest person to him.

 

Shiro: We're here for you, and we want you to know that, Lance.

 

Mememom: Sorry Dad. I'll act my age.

 

Chicken Nugget: **SoRrY dAd**

 

Shiro; _Pidge._

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Pidge, you're not getting these cookies if you keep it up.

 

Chicken Nugget: **I'll stop I swear.** Okay... so tell us Lance how did your relationship end?

 

Entitled blue Beauty: It's not a big deal guys. You don't have to baby me. Just some things didn't work out between us, so I ended it.

 

Chicken Nugget: **You think**

 

Shiro: Pidge, I swear I will fly all the way over there and disable your wifi for a solid week if you dont fucking shut the fuck up.

 

Functional40yearold: _Ur DeAd PiDgEoN_

 

Mememom: **WOAH ANGRY DAD HOLY SHIT**

 

Shiro: **-__-***

 

Chicken Nugget: ... Ill tone it down...

 

Shiro: **Good.**

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Btw, I'm driving to lances first.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Bro we are gonna spend some quality time together, so you can tell me about it when I get there. Tootles :D

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Thanks bro I really need it <3

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Long story short, we bumped heads into her “ex” on our movie date. She said she needed to excuse herself... I gave her the space she ' _needed_ '. Half an hour later, I walked into the men's bathroom to hear her moaning the guy's name... I broke up with her via text.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I couldn't face her after that. I'm done...

 

Chicken Nugget: NEXT UP ON SHARK WEEK. GIRL MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS: BLOOD FOUND IN THE AQUARIUM.

 

Shiro: That's it, I'm blocking you as a Skype contact. I'm so disappointed in you.

 

Chicken Nugget: Please _noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_

 

Mememom: **Ur DeAd**

 

Chicken Nugget: Okay so * **serious** face on: first, that's a really low blow. You got away when you could, though it was through text. I'm proud of you for that and for handling it in a mature manner. Like fuck if I was in your situation, I would have knocked down the bathroom stall and kicked both of their asses. Or better yet, I would have recorded the thing, sent it to her family and friends, and watched as everyone she'd ever cared for turned their backs. I would have made her life a living hell, texting her everyday to remind her of her mistake and how much of a shitty person she still is/was. 

 

Chicken Nugget: You're not me, and I'm not you... so I don't think you'd plan on doing what I would have done- just... We all get it. Break ups are shit. You have the right to feel the way you do. But, you'll move on and find someone else more suited for you. It's always like that, so don't get too upset over it. Feel. Happy.

 

Chicken Nugget: * **Serious** face off: **YOU SEE THIS SHIT GUYS CAUSE I WILL NOT BE DOING THAT AGAIN**

 

Chicken Nugget: Pidge out peeps.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I... wow... I really don't know what to say? Cause that just ruined the moment??? But also thank you??????

 

Chicken Nugget: What moment? =D

 

Shire: _Are you fucking kidding me..._

 

Mememom: I'm surprised to have witnessed such words of wisdom. You could even say I'm impressed... Guess we all know who the next 'Dad' is in our little group :D

 

Chicken Nugget: Dad is the real dad... _I could never take his place_ **O.o**

 

Shiro: .. _. You had all that in you... Yet, you never choose to treat most things seriously..._

 

Chicken Nugget: DAD PRAISED ME!?! **THIS IS THE ONLY THING I'M BLOGGING ABOUT FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH**

 

Shiro: ... _Why are you like this?_

 

Functional40yearold: Is no one going to address the elephant in the room ** >>>.>>>**

 

Functional40yearold: Emotional abuse is punishable by law guys

 

Chicken Nugget: I don't give a flying fuck... There are reasons as to Why. I. Don't. Date. People. **Ever.**

 

Mememom: Hm true... I mean u could end up in jail if she decided to commit suicide

 

Chicken Nugget: Your point being? The world would be a better place without someone like her in it.

 

Functional40yearold: _There's no internet in jail tho_

 

Chicken Nugget: ** **PANIC NOISES****

 

Chicken Nugget:No but in all honesty, I would make sure she'd never end up making this kind of mistake. We're on your side, Lance. I want you to remember that. If you need me to beat her up or something, I'm here.

 

Chicken Nugget: * **SERIOUS SERIOUS FACE OFF NOW THO GUYS I'M AT MY LIMIT***

 

Chicken Nugget: **THIS IS TOO MUCH EMOTION FOR ONE NIGHT**

 

Mememom: I'm surprised you lasted this long

 

Chicken Nugget: **BEEP BOOP IS THAT A PRAISE FROM MOM?!?**

 

Mememom: Forget I said anything. Ur fuckin' ridic.

 

Chicken Nugget: AT LEAST I'M NOT INTERESTED IN DICK OOHHHHHHH

 

Mememom: I don't even understand how you get to these conclusions.

 

Shiro: There's no point in trying to understand. They're a lost cause.

 

Mememom: Lance you hanging in there son?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ... I can't stop thinking about it... I feel really shitty about breaking up with her via text. Like maybe I should have waited to talk with her 1 on 1 and then break up? I don't know. I still can't believe I broke up with her in the worst way possible. I'm a coward, and I couldn't even tell it to her face...

 

Shiro: You're not a coward. I think you did what you could in that situation, and that's what matters. I'm proud of you.

 

Mememom: Is there a slight chance that maybe the girl in the stall was not her? Like it could be a sound a-like? Did you even see if it was actually her before you jumped to your conclusion?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: No... it was her all right. I didn't need to see her face. She left her New Chic Brand handbag on the floor just outside the stall. It had a Voltron key-chain attached to the straps. I know it was hers since I was the one who gave it to her when we first got together.

 

Chicken Nugget: I'm surprised you know the brand name wow

 

Mememom: It's a good skill to have

 

Shiro: I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: She still hasn't responded to the text...

 

Mememom: She just was never worth your time and thoughts! Cheer up k. You broke up with her, so there's really no point in bringing her up anymore. She's gone. So, what can we do as friends to help you with your breakup? What would lift your spirits? Drinking? Beating Keith at Mario Kart?

Entitled Blue Beauty: You're right. And both actually...

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ArgggghhHHH, I just really feel like re-watching Voltron rn

 

Mememom: Watching cartoons is an idea I can **always** get behind. Which version?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: The original 1984 version of course who the **fuck** do you think I am?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Oh, and it's technically anime.

 

Mememom: **THAT'S MY SON RIGHT THERE !!**

 

Shiro: I loved the entire series including Voltron Force. I'm actually really excited for the reboot: Legendary Defender.

 

Chicken Nugget: Same. Voltron was actually one of the few series I could relate to.

 

Functional40yearold: I grew up on Voltron.

 

Mememom: Well not everyones from the era of horrible outfits and weird hair styles Coran.

 

Functional40yearold: Its just the 80s guys. If you want appalling fashion trends, look into the 90s.

 

Mememom: Okay yeah don't remind me...

 

Functional40yearold: Voltron was great regardless of the time. Period. I remember every Thursday night my family and the neighbours' kids would come over to watch it. Those were the good times.

 

Shiro: I'm pretty sure we all met through our mutual appreciation for cartoon space shows.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _oh really cause im pretty sure i met you guys through cowboy bepop_

 

Shiro: Same thing Lance. It's still a cartoon space show.

 

Chicken Nugget: Uh, it's not a space cartoon. It's a space-themed **anime**.

 

Shiro: Same thing

 

Chicken Nugget: No, they're very different things. **Anime is not Cartoon**. Everything may be hand drawn, but the styles are entirely different. **One's Japanese, the other's American.**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ^^^What Pidge said is true. It was originally aired in **Japan**.^^^

 

Chicken Nugget: In any case, I think you should change your original statement to ' **anime space shows** '. I don't recall seeing a cartoon space show, like ever.

 

Shiro: Two words. **Steven's Universe.**

 

Mememom: Now, that is my jam right there. _**Good shit**_. 11/10 !!!

 

Chicken Nugget: It's about gems living on Earth. It's space-themed for sure, but it's not a Space™ show. Try again.

 

Functional40yearold: _**Dad just got schooled :O**_

 

Shiro: You're older than me, how can you say that? If anything, I should be referring to you as the 'dad'.

 

Functional40yearold: Please no. That's weird and awkward. I want none of you as my children, minus Allura who's already my niece. Shes still not my kid tho. Just no. _NO._

 

Shiro: Noted

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Lance open up so I can give you that **Bear** **™** **hug** you've always secretly needed but never wanted to ask for. I brought the cookies.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: What did I miss??

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Well see you guys I guess. Guess Hunk's gonna watch Voltron with me. I'll fill him in. _**See ya laterz**_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Also thank you everyone for trying to turn my already awful day into a better one. I love you guys!

 

Functional40yearold: That's cute, and I need to head out to **WERK**. So bye folks :D

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: WE LOVE YOU TOO BUT LIKE IS SKYPING REALLY NECESSARY WHEN WE'RE BOTH IN THE SAME ROOM?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ABSOLUTELY NOT SO COME HERE YOU! IM GONNA START THE SHOW AND YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT IF YOU DON'T FUCKING PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN

 

Mememom: **Man I wish I could werk in my field of study and get a really good pay.. I really just don't know how Coran does it...**

 

Shiro: Same... I'm going to be logging off for a bit.

 

Chicken Nugget: okay well im just going to chill here by myself then

 

Chicken Nugget: ...

 

Chicken Nugget: You know what's really strange now that I think about it? Keith hasn't said anything all day

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Hey!_

 

 _Chicken Nugget_ _:_ _**THERE HE IS OMG 8D** _

 

...

 

 

 

_ Not even 5 minutes later:  _

 

 

 

_Chicken Nugget has created the “Mothman is Real” group_

_Chicken Nugget added Vampiric Edgelord to the group_

 

 

Chicken Nugget: What up? I know uve been brooding so tell me whats bugging u so we can get this done and over with

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Who said anything about “brooding”? There's nothing wrong.

 

Chicken Nugget: Yeah, and I'm sexually and romantically attracted to people. Now, what's bugging you?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _I'm fine._ I just had to run an errand for my legal guardian. I also got a hair cut. Nothing big, so chill out.

 

Chicken Nugget: WELL I'M NOT GONNA QUESTION WHAT YOU WERE AND WEREN'T BUSY WITH. But my gut feeling tells me that you're not _100% you right now._

 

Chicken Nugget: It's something to do with Lance, _isn't it_?

 

Chicken Nugget: Also cool stuff! U got a hair cut! Nice! Is it your usual style?? Do I get to see it???

 

Vampiric Edgelord: No, no, and no...

 

Chicken Nugget: AWWWWWWWWWWW

 

Chicken Nugget: ANYWAYS, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND :D

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ...

 

Chicken Nugget: The fact that you didn't respond with a simple “That really sucks. Hope you soon get over Nyma.” in all-chat tells me otherwise. You're not the type to just read the comments. _Keith, I know you..._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Okay fine... I just didn't feel like any commentary was necessary. I mean, he barely cracked a joke at all. And on top of that, he said nothing borderline offensive. I mean, he didn't get on my nerves like he usually does?!? I really should have been thankful for it, but I'm not. Like yeah he's a huge ass in general, but today he wasn't. If I still believed in God, I'd say he was giving me a P.E. Day from the usual shit I'd have to put up with. But, that's not how I feel at this moment. I don't want to see him upset just as much as I don't want to see him being a smart-ass. I don't know how to feel about this right now... Really... So, I'm not going to end up looking into it. I mean it's none of my business. Keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself has always been my preferred method of communication. 

 

Chicken Nugget: Keith, _you're doing it again..._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Hm?

 

Chicken Nugget: You're rambling.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: oh

 

Chicken Nugget: Now, you know better than anyone else what goes on in that head of yours... But, I can safely bet that whatever you're trying to deny yourself has everything to do with him. _You're not that quiet_. Like me _you're online 24/7_. If you had an assignment, a vacation planned, _or whatever-_ you would have typed in at least a simple ' _mia'_ to the rest of us. You care about us and what we think of you, so you'd go out of your way to do shit like that. **We know you, and Lance isn't as offensive as you think he is...**

 

Chicken Nugget: Now, I'm certain that the rest of the crew has noticed your strange absence. But then again, we were all focused on Lance. And I really don't know where I was going with this idea so  _skip.._. Next, u _only_ talk more than you need to when you're trying to cover something up- specifically your own _feelings... should I continue?_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ... _no ..._

 

Chicken Nugget: Now I'll ask again, _what's bugging you_?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ...Lance is single... and I don't know what to do with this information.

 

Chicken Nugget: So, you're getting your hopes up because you think you have a chance with the **“untouchable-and-straight”** Lance McClain . . .

 

Vampiric Edgelord: You're definitely making me sound more desperate than I actually am. But yes, that's the idea... _I mean Lance is straight..._

 

Chicken Nugget: Hun, Lance is a _fucking circle_. Like wow... That was a goddamn joke. It seems you're more clueless than I originally pegged you to be... Second, why don't you just ask him out?? Like - _I'M MORE THAN CERTAIN_ \- he has feelings for you too.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: You're beyond wrong...

 

Chicken Nugget: You don't believe me? REALLY... LIKE OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO NOT BELIEVE IN, IT'S FUCKING ME??? WHEN THE FUCK HAVE I EVER LIED?!?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ...that one time where you accidentally set Lance's stuffed bear on fire with the BBQ match because it looked shiny and then blamed it on his 4 year old cousin...

 

Chicken Nugget: How the fuck do you even remember that?! I don't remember that. And I remember a lot.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: . _.. do you want me to continue?_

 

Chicken Nugget: NO, I'M JUST REALLY SURPRISED YOUR BRAIN GOES BACK THAT FAR!!! THATS LIKE- WHAT THE SHIT??? THREE YEARS AGO!!! IN ANY CASE, WHY DON”T YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS?!?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I'm doing something about it already...

 

Chicken Nugget: Your method of ' _doing something about it'_ involves hard-pining for him behind his back. And you're being super obvious about it, too.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I'm trying not think about him... But he's _really_ hard to forget. His loud personality... his occasional stupidity... His stupid face... His long and awkward legs- it's all mesmerizing...? And I can't believe myself??- How I'm attracted to _**That???**_ It makes no sense like what the fuck?!? _I mean he wasn't attractive when I met him junior year..._

 

Chicken Nugget: Thank fuck I don't have a heart to feel with. **#GoshBlessedMe**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Though is2g if this conversation leaves us, I will kill you with my own two hands. I know where you live... So don't you try anything funny.

 

Chicken Nugget: Yeah okay there calm down Edgelord we get it. Besides, I'm more than certain the rest of the group already knows about you and Lance... I'm just sayin'...  _there's a betting pool going around..._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Yeah, that's because you keep reinforcing the idea that I'm secretly 'in-love' with him- WAIT WHAT??? **HOW COULD YOU ?!?**

 

Chicken Nugget: Have you two **NOT SEEN EACH OTHER**...?!!

 

Vampiric Edgelord: If you meant by throwing insults back and forth then yeah, I have. There's nothing romantic going on between the both of us.

 

Chicken Nugget: _Ugh, just forget it._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ? :/

 

Chicken Nugget: _You're both dense as hell..._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **Bullshit.** We both know Lance doesn't like me that way **< /3**

 

...

 

 

 

_ Several hours later: _

 

 

_Chicken Nugget created the group “Start placing your bets, bitches”_

_Chicken Nugget added Mememom, Shiro, Functional40yearold, and Strawberry Cheesecake to the group_

 

 

Chicken Nugget: Guys. Group talk time. I don't know if you've all noticed it, but Lance has been going through girls like food at a wedding reception. He's been getting progressively worse at picking them out for himself. First it was Monica and Chelsea who've used him... now _Nyma._  And something tells me it's cause he's beginning to develop an _attraction_ towards _you know who... I mean, it's not long ago that they've started legit-talking (and not arguing-ARGUING) to each other._

 

Mememom: **NOW that you've mentioned it-** I do agree with you.

 

Shiro: That comparison isn't the most accurate, but do continue...

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **OH NO**

 

Chicken Nugget: **Good.** But before we get into the specifics...

 

Strawberry Chessecake: N _ot another bet... I'm poor from last time..._ **Please...**

 

Mememom: _**Same here..**_.

 

Chicken Nugget: Now now... Don't you all be like that. It's not going to be anything as big as last time... I really don't think money should be involved this time. We're all pretty broke, and _I don't want to have to deal with USD to Euro conversions again..._

 

Chicken Nugget: 75 Euros doesn't equal 75 USD if you get my drift... _I've lost so much money last round._

 

Shiro: _I was thinking we could keep it like last round_  =D

 

Mememom: OH HELL NO MY BANK ACCOUNT ISN'T READY FOR THIS

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: SPARE US FINANCIALLY SHIRO

 

Chicken Nugget: ... S A M E

 

Functional40yearold: I feel very _meh_ about all of this.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: SAYS THE GUY THAT CAN AFFORD GIVING UP 100 BUCKS TO STUFF LIKE THIS.

 

Shiro: ...But if you guys really insist on using an alternative betting solution... You all need to come up with something just as good :D

 

Chicken Nugget: **Indeed we do.**

 

Functional40yearold: We all play Perfect World, so why don't we just trade in-game items?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **DIBS ON YOUR REPUTATION SCROLLS CORAN.** I know you've all been eyeing my **'Eye of the Sol'** plant roots, so I think I'm good to go in terms of trading.

 

Functional40yearold: **Deal.** Ill give you all those reputation scrolls for those plants.

 

Chicken Nugget: Well that was faster than expected.

 

Mememom: It's Perfect World. How did you not expect it? We're all just a bunch of nerds...

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: True, so what's everyone else trading?

 

Chicken Nugget: _I see how this is..._

 

Chicken Nugget: I'll fork over my demon/sage level 10 skill books in exchange for any Mirage Celestones y'all may have... I'd want to upgrade my armour sooner rather than later... _Please_

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **Deal.**

 

Mememom: I can't believe you all struggle with forging rank 8 gear. Those materials aren't hard to get.

 

Mememom: Yet I place dibs on the plants, the reputation scrolls, and the Sage level 10 skill books... You can never have enough of them, especially since rank 9 gear is a pain in the ass to forge without owning multiple copies of rank 8 material. I need them, and I'll be down to trade 200 Epic Coins for some.

 

Shiro: _**Deal.**_

 

Chicken Nugget: **Pleasure doing business with you.**

 

Functional40yearold: _**Same.**_

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: _**Be prepared to fork over those coins**_

 

Chicken Nugget: Shiro what's your offer?

 

Shiro: I could really use more perfect refining stones... Though I can only buy them with the Epic Coins Allura owns. However, I do know the rest of you have perfect refining stones lying _somewhere_ in your inventories... :D They're mine if I win.

 

Chicken Nugget: Refining is so fucking pointless. Stick to rank 8 gear like everyone else. They have the max attack and defence stats the game can offer.

 

Shiro: Oh no no no, refined level 10 gear is slightly stronger than rank 8 because of the bonus stats obtained through increasing an item's successful refining level.

 

Chicken Nugget: In PvP those stats make no difference. They're both the fucking same, and rank 8 gear is easier to acquire.

 

Mememom: Pretty much

 

Chicken Nugget: Shut it Allura... Forging rank 9 gear is just as pointless as refining level 10 gear.  _You have no right to say anything about it right now..._

 

Mememom: FUCK YOU! RANK 9 GEAR ACTUALLY LOOKS COOL!

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: The unique patterns on Rank 9 gear aren't worth the extra effort.

 

Shiro: _-_-_

 

Mememom: It's called treating yourself to what you enjoy, and I enjoy looking good. Soooooo, I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to spend a few bucks here and there on virtual aesthetics.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: _**You've spent at least $250 on this game. You're just as bad as Lance.**_

 

Mememom: I could name worse things that you've all done, so don't y'all fucking start a fight with me. Especially you Hunk... I know about that 500 you thought no one else knew about. >:D

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **HOOOOO HO HO YOU WOULDN'T DARE**

 

Functional40yearold: What 500?

 

Mememom: **I totally would.**

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: ... Fine, My lips are sealed.

 

Shiro: Did I miss something?

 

Chicken Nugget: I want to know about this 500 now

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Absolutely not X.X

 

Shiro: So, do we all have a deal?

 

Mememom: Our deal's on as long as you're willing to give up the rank 8 forging materials you own...

 

Chicken Nugget: Fucking fashion tryhard... and y'all thought I was bad. Rank 9 gear is just **#notworth**  

 

Shiro: Okay good. So what are the conditions of the bet?

 

Functional40yearold: I'll go first since my break's pretty much over. I'll give Lance until Christmas Day to make the first move. I believe it's 3 weeks from now? Something like that.

 

Chicken Nugget: Oh, is it my birthday? CAUSE I CAN ALREADY TASTE THE FUCKING VICTORY. HA CORAN YOU'RE GOING DOWN YA HEAR ME?

 

Functional40yearold: We'll see gremlin. Peace out.

 

Chicken Nugget: I bet Keith's gonna make the first move on Lance within a fucking week :D

 

Mememom: Fat chance Pidgey!! Keith's too chicken for it. On top of that, its going to take Lance for-fucking-ever to come to terms with his own bisexuality (if he hasn't already). Just look at the amount of girlfriends he's already been though! I'd give Lance 'til Valentine's Day to make the first move.

 

Chicken Nugget: You don't know what you're talking about mom... You don't know Lance like I do.

 

Shiro: I partially agree with Pidge. Keith's getting antsy. I'd give him (Keith) from the end of winter exams to New Years day to make the first move.. You wanna know how I know?

 

Mememom: Pray tell.

 

Shiro: Keith's never too quiet. Which meant he's spent most of his day thinking about Lance and his breakup.

 

Chicken Nugget: ... Might I add that Keith's pretty damn impulsive too? Keith's gonna be the first to end up doing something rash.

 

Mememom: Holy shit you're right

 

Functional40yearold: I don't think that's entirely correct... Keith's only rash when it comes to himself. He's not the type to put other people on the spot.

 

Chicken Nugget: ...What happened to working old man?

 

Functional40yearold: Watch ur mouth midget

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: I agree with Coran. If anyone's gonna do anything about their feelings, it's Lance. Keith's too passive and closed-off when it comes to dealing with his own feelings.

 

Mememom: U right

 

Functional40yearold: Bye

 

Mememom: Hunk's right.

 

Chicken Nugget: Shut up mom. You're not helping.

 

Mememom: _whatever_

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: And I'll give Lance exactly 3 days to make the first move

 

Mememom: What?!? That's way too early! No goddamn way!!

 

Chicken Nugget: Now now... I think you might know something we don't know with that amount of confidence.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Take it or leave it boys, girl, and demonic space creature. I'm going to win so SUCK IT

 

Chicken Nugget: ...Does this have anything to do with Keith's new haircut?

 

Shiro: What cut?!?

 

Mememom: He got a haircut?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Haircut? What? No No I'm just saying that Lance is the type of person to let loose on anything Christmas-y. Since his parents are somewhat busy throughout the next few weeks, he says he wants to invite Keith over to help him and his siblings decorate their tree.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: He got a hair cut?

 

Mememom: Getting a haircut doesn't change how a person views another person. Or at least, it really _shouldn't._ And Hunk, those two hung out together plenty of times. Yeah they've always fought in the past, but absolutely nothing relationship-y has come between them. So, what would make this time any different from previous times?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Idk the fact that they don't fight anymore

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Does that mean we all stand by our bets tho?

 

Chicken Nugget: Yes

 

Mememom: Of course. And they technically still fight.

 

Shiro: Maybe not... but it's too late to change my opinion.

 

Mememom: Have a little faith in yourself! You won last round :D

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: I'm just really feeling it guys.

 

Mememom: _Look at you!_

 

Shiro: I don't know what to think... This isn't like last round.

 

Chicken Nugget: We'll find out soon enough. No point in worrying.

 

Chicken Nugget: Also, pretend to act surprised when you hear about the haircut. I'm technically not supposed to know much about it and neither are any of you atm...

 

Mememom: _Oh Pidgey..._

 

Mememom: _That's cheating._

Chicken Nugget: It's not cheating if I talked to Keith about it hours ago.

 

Mememom: ??? I guess???

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Btw Pidge im omw to your house with cookies.

 

Chicken Nugget: !!!

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: I can't binge-watch Voltron any further (too many episodes in one sit-down), so I'm peace-ing right out of here.

 

Chicken Nugget: **WEAK**

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: You know I could totally go back to my place and just not come over. I'd have more cookies to myself...

 

Chicken Nugget: NO WAIT I WANT FOOD

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Well then you gotta be nice to receive it. Are you going to be nice? Or are you going to be a little shit?

 

Chicken Nugget: FUCK. YES. I WANT FOOD. I GET FOOD. GOOD SHIT.

 

Mememom: You're fucking hopeless Pidge.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: ***sighs*** I'm coming over.

 

 

\- _spacebitch-pidge_

 


	2. Panic! in the chatroom- Allura's loosing her shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is s h o o k. Lance is b i. And Lance might have a crush on the E X - M U L L E T guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guy complements his bro on the new look (no homo, right?), and exam week is officially in session. 
> 
>  
> 
> ***Chicken Nugget = Pidge  
> Mememom = Allura  
> Shiro = Shiro  
> Entitled Blue Beauty = Lance  
> Vampiric Edgelord = Keith  
> Strawberry Cheesecake = Hunk  
> Functional40yearold = Coran***

_ The next day(ish): _

_Entitled Blue Beauty created the group “The mullet looks bad but I'm down to hang out sometime.”_

_Entitled Blue Beauty added Vampiric Edgelord to the group_

 

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **KEITHHHHH**

 

# Entitled Blue Beauty: Hey this is pretty important are u available right now???

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Its urgent... **kinda**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: KEITH COME ON ILL GET MY MOM TO BAKE U THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS YOU SEEM TO LOVE SO MUCH

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ...what?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Hey, what's up? (ʘ‿ʘ)╯

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Why do you always find it necessary to say rude stuff about my hair? Having a mullet is technically convenient.

 

Entitled blue Beauty: Keith  **BRUH**  I’m showing some concern for ur social life. Having a mullet doesn't help in that department... like at all.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Ever heard of _'not giving a shit'_?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **BRO IDGAF** WE ARE GONNA CHANGE YOUR STYLE MARK MY WORDS

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: It's social suicide, and I can’t let you go through that. I CARE ABOUT U BRO

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Hanging out with you guys is not social suicide, and if you “ _cared about me_ ” you’d leave my hair out of this.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: You need more friends is what I'm trying to say.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I'm perfectly happy with the way things are. I’ve got plenty of friends.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Fine... But like don't say I didn't warn u...

 

Vampiric Edgelord: What are you getting at?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: A girlfriend.  **DUH**.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Or boyfriend. I don’t know your preferences. I'm kinda stumped.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Or partner. Wow, I'm surprised I know so little about you, and it's been like what-  _5 years_?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **_HOLY FUCK ITS BEEN 5 YEARS_**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Anyways... considering you have the emotional capacity of a _wrinkly old raisin_ , I'm not surprised we’re having this conversation.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _???_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Ugh, Hunk's way better at this.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: What I'm trying to get at is that like... you're a very independent guy- _that’s like totally awesome and stuff_ \- but, I think it would do you good if you had someone there for you when we’re not… like around? Like shit’s not gonna stay the same. We’re all gonna go our separate ways one day bro.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: That’s more than a few years away, so why would I care? I don’t see the point in stressing out about it _now_.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _And what if getting a ‘partner’ isn’t something I’m personally interested in??_ _What then? What if I happen to be asexual and/or aromantic, like Pidge?_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I really doubt that. Hunk held you in his arms once, and you've been asking for hugs/cuddles ever since. _You’re AT LEAST a little bit romantic._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Fair enough.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I mean, who wouldn’t want to be cradled™ by Hunk? He gives out the best hugs, and he's the best cuddler.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Amen™ to that.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: At least this is something we can both agree on.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: But seriously, I don’t need a partner. It’s merely a social expectation to ”date” another person. I’d prefer to remain out of it, especially since I don’t do shit for the sake of pleasing others and/or meeting social expectations. I don’t aspire to “fit in” Lance.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Though I wouldn’t mind seeing some people together. I mean Shiro and Allura are the couple of the year, aesthetics included. They just have that style, you know?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Dude just stop… but yes, from a brotherly-friend-hybrid perspective, I do support seeing Shiro and Allura together. They are THE couple of the DECADE- _not year_. They're both far too perfect and hot and perfect (did I mention PERFECT) to admit anything less.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I’m not lying, though.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ??? I don’t think you are???

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I was referring to the concept of “dating” Lance.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Oh uh..

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Okay so, I wasn’t going to call you a liar about that… You see, I’m not here to tell you what is “socially correct” and what isn’t (for the most part). This isn’t a conspiracy session, and I'm not trying to turn it into one, _unlike you_. I’m just a regular guy with some opinions on your mullet. And that _opinion_.. involves you ditching it. It’s trashy, it’s from the 80s, and _I know you can do so much better than that. Get with the program man. It's 20-fucking-17._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Like I’ve already mentioned, it would be convenient for me to keep the style.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I wouldn't have to worry about making frequent visits to the barber shop. And if it gets in the way, I can always put it in a bun.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: My parents might have the money to get their hair done every two weeks, but I don’t have that kind of luxury a lot of the time. I’m sure you understand.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _Keith... It’s all over the place_ … **_all the fucking time_**. It looks like you haven't run a brush through it in _AGES_. And besides, there are plenty of other hair styles that meet those requirements.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I brush my hair?!? **What???** **Wtf kind of statement is that?? I can't believe you would even suggest that! ¬.¬**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GETTING AT CALM DOWN**. Just forget it... I'm not gonna get anywhere with you being the way you are. You’re rushing to unnecessary conclusions. It's more of a personal preference at this point… assuming you'd want my fashion and _potential_ dating advice.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: That was relationship advice??? I've had girls falling left and right for me back in high school. I ** _really_** don’t think I’m the one who needs it! _If anything, I might need advice on how to keep the fangirls on our college football team far **far** away from me._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: That’s bullshit, and you know it. _Ur always fucking flattered when you find out people like you for your skill. Don’t fucking lie man. The attention gets to you, too._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Not to that extent Lance! Besides, those girls did not ‘like me’ for my skill… I learned that back in high school the hard way... ewwww…

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: LOL what- _did they try hitting on you???_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I might file a restraining order next time they want to cross my boundaries… and this is college.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Oh my god what I would give to have been in your situation...!! That’s the **opposite of a problem man.**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: The attention you guys give me is all I need. You can have my fan-base too... It’s just... you'd have to earn it,  _unlike last time when you couldn't even catch the ball..._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: THAT WAS ONE TIME WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LET IT GO?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Never... That was probably among your top 2 most embarrassing moments of all time. Nothing beats your number one, though ;)_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **Do NOT**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Anyways dude, I'm not here to argue about your poor aesthetic choices.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Fuck you, I have great style._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _Yeah… Sure... And I’m straight._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **…Was that supposed to be sarcasm???**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **_Noooo! Psht!_**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **. . .**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **OF COURSE THAT WAS SARCASM JESUS WE REALLY NEED TO WORK ON THIS**

Entitled Blue Beauty: I am not straight omg

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Really?!?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Yeah I dated Nyma, but that just means I **happen** to be into girls. _It doesn't say anything about not being into guys, too._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: OKAY **OKAY**

 

Vampiric Edgelord; LET ME GET THIS _**'Straight'**_   THEN

 

Vampiric Edgelord **: YOU COME OUT TO ME AT THE MOST RANDOM TIME WHEN YOU LITERALLY HAD THE PAST _5 YEARS TO DO_ SO…**

Vampiric Edgelord: **WHAT THE ABSOLUTE LIVING SHIT LANCE**

Entitled Blue Beauty: _Why not? -.-_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **CAUSE IT CAUGHT ME COMPLETELY OFF-GUARD YOU CAN’T JUST DO THIS TO YOUR FRIEND**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Bro **BRO… You mean to tell me…**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **YOU DIDN’T SEE ANY OF THIS COMING?** **That I was bisexual???**

Vampiric Edgelord: **YOU’RE BISEXUAL???**

Entitlded Blue Beauty: **YEAH WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK I WAS??? I MENTIONED THAT GIRLS WERE AN OPTION OMG**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Idk, I just didn’t see any of this coming really._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **HOLY SHIT KEITH OKAY YOU DENSE SON OF A GUN WE NEED TO WORK ON YOUR SOCIAL PERCEPTION OF** **PEOPLE**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Like I totally get that we weren’t close in high school, and we recently got to know- _know_ each other… but still, I flirt with everyone!?! I’ve already mentioned that I was very into Shiro's physique… like, what other cues to you need???

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING A JOKE LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Oh my god no you need to stop it with that… I joke around a lot, but I guarantee you I am not 100% straight. Hunk knows. Pidge knows. And I’m more than certain both Shiro and Allura know? I really hope so anyways. I just don’t feel it’s like… that _big of a deal?_ So, I don’t go around boasting about it.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I’m still the same person- bisexual or not.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I’m gay btw.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: That’s nice. And Hunk called it.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Let’s not bring Hunk into this.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Okay

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: …

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Well I figured since you came out to me, it’s only fair if I come out right back to you, right?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _Omg Keith…_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: You’re making this more awkward than it needs to be man. But thanks for clearing things up!

 

Vampiric Edgelord: No I’m not?? I just figured it was appropriate to mention my orientation to you? Since you mentioned yours?!?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Ugh, just forget it.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Why?_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: …

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Fine, I'll drop it.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Are you doing anything this Saturday?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Well, I've got that one presentation worth 20% of my grade. It’s due Monday.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _And I should probably not leave it until Sunday night to do it..._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Fucking lucky… I've got 3 exams back-to-back next week. It sucks knowing I have to try and study for them.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I can’t afford to repeat ANY classes this year. My bank account strongly advises me against it.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Yeah, but you like… _never study for anything. How are you going to keep your grades above 60%?_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **_#BYWINGINGITLIKEABRO_**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Isn’t that what you do land Fs on your exams?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Hey! I have faith this time around. I’m confident I’ll get _at least_ a 70. What about you?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _#Blessfullyearcourses_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **_#YOULUCKYSHIT_**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: So are you coming over?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I'm still not fully convinced...

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Alright well, I’ll tell you why you should come over. It’s because deep inside, you know you're a sucker for sparkly ornaments and cheesy Christmas-related shit. You know you want to belt out those holiday tunes and watch Will Ferrell's 'Elf', all while decorating a Christmas tree. My mom’s making Bruschetta too, so you can’t afford to not have dinner with us. It is law that you come over. I guarantee you’ll have the time of your life. What do you say?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Well... you're not wrong about the Bruschetta. But I can enjoy most of these things in my own home.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: But why would you do that when you have me around? What's the point in having Christmas cheer if you're not going to spend it with your friends and family? Your parents are like- never around dude. And, I don't want to see you spending more time to yourself. You get that enough already. You need people-time my man. Also. Bruschetta. Cause that stuff’s the bomb.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Idk… I feel like I’ll intrude on your family or something…

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Just trust me on this. Come spend this Saturday (it's in 2 days) at my house. You’ve never spent the Christmas season with my family, so what’s keeping you from trying it out this year?? My family won’t judge you or any shit like that. Come over, please. You’ve already been here 3 times, so lets make it a 4th, eh?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I uh... well wow.. I guess I’ll see you then.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Exactly my dude. See you Saturday.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Now that we’ve got that cleared up, what is technically up? You were sort of missing from the chat today, and I kinda missed out on our usual banter.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Oh yeah um, I had to run some errands for my landlord.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Really? What about?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Mainly just rent. He changed the terms of our contract saying he's looking to add roommates to the apartment. Within a month’s time, I should be getting two new roommates to share the flat with. I don’t have a problem with it, but my mom does… I've spent a good chunk of my day reassuring her that everything will be fine. She doubts me, but I’m the one living here, not her.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: All in all, it’s been a trying day.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: But I thought you hated sharing with other people?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Yeah, about that…_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Didn’t you report a leakage issue like two weeks ago? The place is busted! I don’t understand why you didn’t agree with her to move elsewhere? Your parents are loaded ** _. Loaded._** Moving out should not be a financial issue? Right?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I wanted to make sure they didn’t end up paying for the place… They’re already paying for my tuition. Yeah the place is shitty, but you know how I feel about receiving help. I don’t like it at all- having to depend on someone else for something. Besides, I’m too lazy and unmotivated to consider a new housing arrangement. I’m stuck with what I have for the time being, and I’m sure the new additions to the flat won't be horrible to have around.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _Is this the same Keith I met in junior year? Cause like High-School-Keith never shares. Ever._

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Yeah?_

 

Entitled Blue beauty: Well if it ever becomes unbearable to live where you live, just know you’re always welcome at my house. We have cooked food, a lot of video games, and some A grade company... Besides, my mom would love to have you around more often.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: More like C grade considering your marks… I will consider the offer. Thanks.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: HeY! I still have my final exams to ace, so take that into consideration! An 80 would be nice, though…

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Stick to 70s. They're more realistic.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: :(

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I got a new hair cut today. 

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: WAIT WHAT!?!

 

Vampiric Edgelord: And I’m happy to tell you that I no longer have a mullet :-)

 

Enititled Blue Beauty: What brought this on??? Why didn't you mention this earlier?!?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Oh nothing really. I just felt like it.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: And I could say the same thing about your SEXUALITY. YOU HAD THE PAST 5 YEARS TO TELL ME LANCE. THE PAST 5 YEARS.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: BRUH I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT I ALREADY TOLD YOU

 

Vampiric Edgelord: WELL GETTING A HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT EITHER

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: YES IT IS FUCK YOU

 

Vampiric Edgelord: WELL FUCK YOU RIGHT BACK

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: So... Are you gonna send me a pic or what?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ... Idk like how desperate are you?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Very. What does it look like now? Did you dye it a different colour? Did you go bald?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Why would I go bald?? That would ruin my entire aesthetic.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: True... unless you secretly wanted to look like the 2015 version of Coran or something. Some 40-year-olds can really pull off the bald look. Yet, Coran’s not one of them. He looks _sooo_ much better now...

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Anyways, I'd be down to see you go bald at least once in your lifetime cause I'd get to call it  _THE U L T I M A T E anti-mullet phase. I might even get away with calling you baldy :D_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Be careful what you wish for...._ JKJK! I still like having hair, so I’m not going to do that. And don't you dare even think about calling me baldy- I'll kill you.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: WoAh CaLm ThE fUcK dOwN tHeRe EdGeLoRd...

  

Entitled Blue Beauty: Pics my man? I mean you really don't have to show me if you don't want to. I'll find out Saturday, regardless.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: True...

 

Vampiric Edgelord: 10232345sdfw. Jpg (sent)

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I've decided to go with a side part. It's like pretty short, minus the bangs. Also, I dyed it black. I've always liked the alternative aesthetic, so I always thought black hair would end up matching my biker-goth style. My bangs are now styled towards the left, covering my eye a lot of the time. Also check it out! I got a nose, lip, tongue, and ear piercing- all in one day :D

 

Vampiric Edgelord: My hair was getting sort of long, and I wanted to try out a shorter hair style. I haven’t changed my style since before meeting you, so I figured was about time I did something with my hair. I feel pretty great, and my head feels a lot lighter. The sensation is weird but also nice.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I guess I’m just happy for taking the chance to change it up?

 

Vampiric Edglord: Uh, Lance?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Okay wait woooosh- I was totally focused on trying to help my sister with something. She’s gone now, so don’t worry :D

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: It’s a sibling thing™

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Oh uh, okay?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Is that… eyeliner? Your skin's so good now??

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Yeah and foundation. Like what else am I supposed to do to look like I have flawless skin?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Oh wow that’s some insane stuff I guess? You look pretty great. I wasn’t expecting it. But wow, it does change your face in a good way. A+ dude. You’ve got my seal of approval.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Really, you like it?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Yeah I mean, it’s not every day I get to see my buddy with short and stylish hair. It’s pretty cool, my man.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Does anyone else know about your makeover?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Yeah, I mean I told Pidge. I didn’t send them pictures though.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Only Pidge?

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Yes, why?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: DUDE WE GOTTA SHOW EVERYONE ELSE

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU”VE ONLY TOLD PIDGE?? THEY'VE ALL GOT TO SEE YOU MULLET-LESS!! THIS IS A REVOLUTION!**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: It’s not a big deal.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **ITS NOT A BIG DEAL MY FUCKING SPANISH ASS. MAY THE SCREAMING EMO GODS COME DOWN FROM THEIR GODDAMN METAL-TASTIC HAVENS WITH THEIR ELECTRIC GUITARS OR WHATEVER**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **CAUSE SHIT! EVERYONE'S GOTTA SEE THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **LIKE HOLY SHIT KEITH WHAT THE ABSOLUTE HELL MAN**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Um... okay?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **OKAY WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE STILL FUCKING HERE FOR??? FUCK THIS I’M MOVING TO THE GROUP CHANNEL! LET’S FUCKING GO**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I still don't see why it's such a big deal??

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ...Lance?

 

 

__

_ Not even a few moments later:  _

__

__

_Entitled Blue Beauty has changed the conversation from “Single and Ready to Mingle” to “KEITH GOT A HAIRCUT HOLY SHIT!!”_

Entitled Blue Beauty: **FUCKING KEITH MAN HE GOT A HAIR CUT OMG**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **GUYS**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **I DON’T GIVE A SHIT WHAT EACH OF YOU ARE DOING INDIVIDUALLY YOU’VE ALL GOTTA COME SEE THIS**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **OH MAN KEITH MY DUDE YOU GOTTA SHOW THEM THE HAIR IT LOOKS SO FUCKING DIFFERENT**

 

Chicken Nugget: _Did you mean **“so fucking hot”**_

 

Chicken Nugget: **Am I right or _am I right_?**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Fucking shut the fuck up Pidge. It’s just _different._

 

Chicken Nugget: _As if that's going to fucking stop me._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Can you like not?

 

Chicken Nugget: _Depends… what’s in it for me?_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I’m broke if that's what you're getting at

 

Chicken Nugget: **NO DEAL :/**

 

Chicken Nugget: Hey guys check it out! Lance's new **boyfriend** looks hot!

 

Shiro: Wow well… I guess congratulations? On the hair cut? And on getting together?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: OKAY NOPE NOT HAPPENING WE ARE NOT DATING HOW MANY TIMES MUST I INSIST ON THIS

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _We. Are. Not. Together!_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Honestly_ , I'm just sick and tired of you guys trying to hook us up.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Just stop. _Please._

 

Mememom: **Yeah, and I'm sick of everyone in this goddamn chat fucking trying to start up a conversation when I'm trying to study for my fucking finals.**

 

Chicken Nugget: There's a red circle button on skype right next to your profile picture. It says “Do not Disturb,” if you didn't already know. You’re supposed to click on it, if you don't want to be distracted.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: WhAt Is YoUr DaMaGe PiDgE

 

Mememom: Shut the fuck up or I’m going to kill you all with lethal dosages of sarcasm and memes right after my exams.

 

Chicken Nugget: _It’s the best way to go really…_

 

Shiro: Are you okay?

 

Mememom: **YES I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR NOTICING.**

 

Mememom: I've fucking stared at this goddamn calculus question for the past 30 minutes, and I don’t know what I’m doing. The TA isn’t answering my goddamn messages, and the exam’s tomorrow. _I’m fucking screwed._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: It can't be that bad.

 

Mememom: _Oh it can… I’m gonna fucking fail, you just watch…_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Deep breaths girl 

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: You’ve got this :)  

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Drink tea for the nerves and try to get some sleep tonight :D

 

Mememom: _Don't fucking tell me what to do._ **UGGGGHHH I HATE THIS FUCKING CLASS**

 

Mememom: Why the fuck does anyone need to know how to derivate fucking x^3-x^2?  **Why do I need to know how to derivate???**

 

Shiro: That’s like... basic calculus… how do you not know the answer? Come on you’re better than that babe!

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _Oooooo are you guys getting this_

 

Functional40yearold: Every word of it, yeah.

 

Chicken Nugget: _Black mail for days >:D_

 

Shiro: …

 

Mememom: Ugh just shut up everyone. I can’t function right now.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **BUT THAT “BABE” THO**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _It was really cute._

 

Mememom **: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH STOP IT IM VENTING LANCE SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERYONE SHUT UP I DONT CARE ABOUT ANY “BABE” THING RIGHT NOW SO FUCKING STOP ALL I CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW IS THIS GODDAMN EXAM**

 

Chicken Nugget: **MOM'S LOST IT**

 

Mememom: **YOU SEE I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THIS MATH SHIT YEARS AGO IN HIGH SCHOOL FUCK THE MANDATORY MATH CREDIT**

 

Mememom: **GIVE ME A FUCKING B AND LET ME PASS THIS CLASS OR D I DON’T CARE ANYMORE I JUST WANT MY FINE ARTS DEGREE ALREADY**

 

Chicken Nugget: Damn, I didn’t think you were capable of a D…

 

Vampiric Edgelord: From A to D… _that is quite the drop._

 

Mememom: **_I’m desperate to move on and leave this all behind, guys please... HeLp Me._**

Chicken Nugget: I would love to, but the D is keeping me in place. Like... aren’t you an A student in your program???

 

Shiro: She is, and she currently has an A- in her math course.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: I w _ish I could get an A in math…_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: _SaMe._

 

Chicken Nugget: See? You have nothing to worry about. It’s just the nerves, and I’m sure you’ll do well tomorrow. You don’t have to worry about dropping out of your program with an A-.

 

Mememom: What if I fail though?! _Oh god…_

 

Shiro: You’ll do fine. Everything will be fine. You’re prepared for the exam.

 

Mememom: <3 Thanks <3

 

Chicken Nugget: Knock ‘em dead.

 

Mememom: I don’t feel prepared enough…

 

Mememom: Anyways... I’m removing myself from this conversation. Someone message me Keith’s photo or something because I don’t want to miss out on my son’s new hairdo. I've gotta get back to studying. Someone add me back in like two days. K Thx! 

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **You are not my mom >:O**

 

Mememom: _Oh yes I am now peace!_

 

_Mememom has been removed from the group_

 

Chicken Nugget: _I cannot believe mom's dead._

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Same.

 

Shiro: ***sigh***

 

Shiro: She’ll be more than fine. The worst possible mark she could get is a C- assuming she gets a 0 on the exam. It’s only worth 15%.

 

Functional40yearOld: Yeah, she worries too much as per usual.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: She’s sort of scary when she gets super-stressed out.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **LOL ARE YOU GUYS GETTING THIS**

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **HAHHHHHAHAHA OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY THAT’S TOO FUNNY**

 

Chicken Nugget: Woah!  **WOAH!! KEITH EXPERIENCES FEAR LOL WHAT SINCE WHEN? :D**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Since coffee-hydrated Allura showed up on Shiro's radar.

 

Shiro: I'm not in the mood for this... Can we please move on?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Only if Keith sends us a photo of his new hair.

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Do I have to?

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **YES KEITH MY BRO YOU'VE GOTTA DO IT SEND THEM THE THING LET THEM SEE AND EXPERIENCE THE NEW YOU**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Why are you so goddamn weird?_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ♫ ‘Cause baby, I was born this way ;) ♫

 

Vampiric Edgelord: _Oh no…_

 

Shiro: …

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: ♫ NO MATTER GAY STRAIGHT OR BI ♫

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **♫ LESBIAN TRANSGENDERED LIFE IM ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY ♫**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty; **♫ I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE ♫**

Entitled Blue Beauty: **Hunk, I love you <3**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Are you guys done?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **I know <3**

Entitled Blue Beauty: Hey, hey! Calm your jets dude! _We’re having a bonding moment!_

 

Chicken Nugget: Ew… can you guys like not sing for like 5 seconds? _It’s not that hard…_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: **LOL _Hard._**

 

Vampiric Edgelord: **_Hard…_**

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **Hard :D**

 

Chicken Nugget:  >:(

 

Chicken Nugget: Why are we all friends… I want a refund on our friendship.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **You can’t refund friendship D:**

 

Chicken Nugget: **WaTcH mE**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Keith it is time my dude

 

Vampiric Edgelord: 10232345sdfw. Jpg (sent)

 

Shiro: Oh my, you look amazing!

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: I KNOW RIGHT??? HE DOES LOOK AMAZING <3

 

Chicken Nugget: _I thought you said he only looked different …_

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Shut up. **Different = Amazing**

 

Chicken Nuggets: That’s not what you said before… _I’m onto you…_

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: You look stunning! Good for you! Short black hair really suits you :D I’m sure you’re bound to charm many people with that brand-new look of yours :D

 

Vampiric Edgelord: What are you getting at?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Oh nothing... :)))

 

Chicken Nuggets _: More like 'if they already haven’t already been charmed'... ^.^_

 

Vampiric Edgelord; . . .

 

Shiro: ***heavy sighing***

 

Shiro: Anyways I have to go. I’ll see you guys later. My boss keeps giving me weird looks, and the haircut looks wonderful. Congrats!

 

Functional40yearold: Same only I am my own boss.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: :O Maybe one day I’ll be my own boss…

 

Functional40yearold: It takes a lot of patience, luck, determination, and connections, so good luck to you. Also nice hair Keith! You no longer look like a punk-reject from the 80s :D

 

Chicken Nugget: Heh. Punk-reject. Never change, Coran.

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: I’ll be working on my Rune Goldberg physics project. See you guys :)

 

Chicken Nugget: Aww is everyone leaving???

 

Chicken Nugget: Also Keith looks slightly better with the short hair. I approve *thumbs up*

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Yeah, he does look infinitely better. 

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Btw are you still looking into the specifics of _‘robot fucking’???_

 

Vampiric Edgelord: Knowing them? Probably.

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: THAT'S NASTY AF

 

Chicken Nugget: YOU'RE NASTY AF AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING CURIOUS

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: Is that what we’re calling it now?

 

Chicken Nugget: **Bye you nerds >:D**

 

Entitled Blue Beauty: b y e   g r e m l i n

 

Vampiric Edgelord: ^^^^^

 

 

_ Later that evening: _

 

 

_Chicken Nugget has changed the group conversation from “Start Placing your bets bitches” to “They're both crushing hard and totally oblivious to each other's flirting"_

 

 

Chicken Nugget: 10232345sdfw. Jpg (sent)

 

Chicken Nugget: Imma leave this here. 

 

Mememom: Oh thank you! I’m assuming I’ve missed a lot of things? Maybe some… new developments?

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Oh girl, you have no idea :D

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: Here you go!

 

Strawberry Cheesecake: **“Entitled Blue Beauty: I KNOW RIGHT??? HE DOES LOOK AMAZING <3” – (sent 5:56pm)**

Chicken Nugget: **"Entitled Blue Beauty: Yeah, he does look infinitely better. " -(sent 6:10pm)**

 

Mememom: **I fucking called it ^O^**

 

 

_\- spacebitch-pidge_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I had an idea of where I was going with this. AND... It never happened. Oops. Next update will be before New Years :D  
> Tumblr: http://spacebitch-pidge.tumblr.com/ (I'm friendly I swear)


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